You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
