I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
