it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You have to summon your inner elephant
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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