she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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