And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
