He disabled his match.com account in front of me
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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