So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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