I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
