Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
