four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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