Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Sorry my hands just texted you
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
