When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
