I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
