his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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