LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
