OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
