weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
