Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
