Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
