Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
