Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
