i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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