you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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