whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
