Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
