My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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