apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
