I could have mohawked her pubes.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
