then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
