im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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