i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
And then he peed in my hair
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