I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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