It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
