This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
