i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i love accidental penises.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
