clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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