The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
