I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
