Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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