I wish my penis had an off switch
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
