By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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