i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
