just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
