So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
