All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
