What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
