it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
