It's Friday. Sex?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Come see our sink grown plant.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Is Oprah even human
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
