I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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