he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
