Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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