just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
