I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
