She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
