hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
