Kiss
Puke
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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