You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
