Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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