I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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