I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
