Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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