oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
