I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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