They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.