I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM