just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.