It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.