Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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