so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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