It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
