No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
