therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Randomize
