well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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