just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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