I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
