just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
