can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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