dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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